The boyfriend and I have some pretty weird (or at least random) conversations, as evidenced by “What’s Your Slug Doing?” In fact, something weird slipping into almost every conversation is the norm for us.
Take, for example, the mantis shrimp. It’s a pretty awesome critter, and, if The Oatmeal is to be believed, pretty terrifying. I want one. The boyfriend knows this, and yet, for some reason, he insists that this is not a good idea; something about how it can (among other things) break aquarium glass. I told him I’d be careful with it—I’d wrap its scary bits in, like, diamond or something and feed it by hand. He said that it wasn’t me he was worried about. Which is probably true, though I can be a bit of a klutz, myself. So maybe I can get a mantis shrimp plush or something—maybe a little glass figure. I’m sure such things exist.
There was a detour somewhere in there about how I would present the mantis shrimp much in the same way as those “It’s dangerous to go alone; take this!” moments, which led to Link (yes, of Legend of Zelda fame) smashing his way through everything with a mantis shrimp because they are just that badass. Despite all my tearful (My eyes were watering for some unrelated reason. They do that on occasion.) pleas, and all my awesome ideas, though, the answer still remains a very firm “no”. (Thankfully, my other pet requests trend towards normal: a corgi, a Maine coon cat, and a lionhead bunny. Bunnybunnybunny…)
On occasion, these pleas devolve entirely into some other nonsensical argument that eventually leads to utter ridiculousness. I think one of my favorite non-sequitur comebacks at the moment is “I EAT YOUR FACE!” I’ll leave it to your imagination just how that goes down.
Another slightly more playful one is “husky kisses”. If you’ve ever seen pictures of husky puppies, or seen them in action, you know that they love to nip each other’s muzzles. (Even if you have seen it, you should look at those pictures. SO CUTE.) If I recall correctly, this is actually a holdover behavior from wolves. I certainly don’t see this happen nearly as often with dogs that are less closely related to wolves, anyway. However, since humans don’t have the same sort of structure, the next best thing is clearly a nip on the nose, somewhere between a little peck of a kiss and “I EAT YOUR NOSE”.
After one of those happened, we somehow made the jump to the “insane sadistic psycho surgeon” from the boyfriend’s information ethics class. It was a pretty messed-up example taken to extremes, but it’s clear what the point was: pure hedonism is bad. (Because apparently, this is not entirely self-evident…)
So yeah, we’re weird, the boyfriend and I. It’s part of the attraction. It’s one of those things that makes our relationship (and, to be honest, most of my friendships) work. Being accepted for (or despite) all one’s flaws is astoundingly freeing. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t work on them, but it does mean that we can have a lot of fun along the way.